Unlike in the celluloid world of dreams and fantasies, ‘glorious, happy endings’ are rare in the real world. Heartbreaks, disappointments and separation are an inevitable part of human relationships, however the way we process the emotional pain is different for each one of us. The way we choose to move away, separate or handle the loss determines the course for the rest of our journey. It is important to close the chapter completely and get it off the chest so as to be able to move forward and progress. This is what we call ‘closure’ and is one of the most crucial steps in forming harmonious relationships in life.
In certain situations we get closure, say e.g. if someone breaks up with you or you breakup with someone and explain why you cannot be together anymore. In other situations, you may not get any explanation e.g. you text someone and don’t get any replies (ghosting), your partner suddenly disappears from your life, loss of a loved one, your parents may disapprove your ways of thinking and may never be able to accept it, etc. In situations where you don’t get the closure, it becomes all the more complex and frustrating to deal with the pain. However you can still try to bring about closure within yourselves instead of looking to someone else to give it to you.
These are the steps you could take in your journey towards ‘closure’:
1. Write a letter
Write a letter to the person you have resentment against and let your emotions flow freely. Express your grievances, write down anything you want to make amends for or you wish you could have told him/her. Apart from the grudges, you could include prayers, good wishes and that you are letting go. You must write ‘Goodbye’ and you must mean it. Once you have vented out everything, read it out aloud, as if you are doing it to the person who hurt you or to a trusted friend. Afterwards, burn it or tear it off so that you don’t go back to read it over and over again. This will give you a sense of freedom.
You may need to repeat this exercise if the feelings of hurt surface again and you feel helpless. Gradually, you will overcome the need to do so.
2. Cut the energy cords
When you don’t have the choice of getting the clarification from the other person, or the other person cannot see through your perspective despite all your efforts, you have to cut the cords. I detailed this in one of my previous article titled ‘Forgiveness-the foundation of healing’. This will help you detach and bring about emotional upliftment.
3. Ho’oponopono
This prayer is a soothing balm to heal any broken relationships. It helps to release both the parties involved in the scuffle. When you send out the energy of forgiveness and love, it’s very likely the other party might reciprocate too. But even if that does not happen, you would be free from the cage. All that you need to do is to recite the following simple words: “I am sorry, please forgive me. Thank…
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