I just surrendered someone I “thought” was my TF of 31 year’s.
I met someone in 2019, assuming it was another karmic partner. I hadn’t dated for 11 years. But I couldn’t resist his energy. He was also 13 year’s younger than myself. I don’t believe in dating anyone 5 year’s younger than myself & here I was fighting this energetic connection to this younger man like crazy. It took him a few months to get me to go out with him, to finally meet him in person.
We met, thing’s were crazy with us. I told him I’d been waiting for someone for 29 year’s point, I knowit bothered him. I told him i was 100% sure this other person was my TF & I’d leave anyone for him if he ever came back to me again. I blamed myself for losing him in the first place, I wasn’t going to allow it to happen twice. Meeting this guy felt like I was repeating history because I was certain my TF & I were about to reunite when this guy pops up.
This put a third person in between our budding relationship who wasn’t physically there or physically available.
I continued to allow myself to feel the energy of this new guy I was only dating. We had an instant connection that I hadn’t
experienced with anyone for many many year’s, it reminded me of what I felt for my first TF. The connection had it’s differences compared to the person who I thought was my TF. Like hearing him in my mind when I allow it, I never experienced that before. I feel like he’s listening to my every thought, which irritates me. I feel like I have no privacy. I dream about him all the time when I didn’t dream about my first TF hardly at all until recently.
I started thinking for the first time that maybe I was wrong, that maybe this karmic partner was really my TF. I’d say it to myself then just as quickly dismiss it. I’d discuss it with my sister’s a lot. The energy only grew stronger as our time together grew.
I healed many thing’s in my body during that time of my life, that they tell people are near impossible to heal. That includes hypothyroidism. Diabetes 2, metabolic syndrome, stage 3 fatty liver disease & the aggressive RA I had is now not as aggressive. I was also in & out of a wheelchair, walking with a cane occasionally, in 24-7 physical pain.
I suddenly had energy I didn’t have in year’s, .y pain levels went down. My drs released me to physical therapy & I took off on a local trail fast walking after a month of physical therapy. I was done being indoors after isolating for many year’s, I wanted to be surrounded with nature. I ended up taking off over 100lbs.
At first every step was painful.
I remember feeling I wanted to meet this person who I had so much energy with as a better version of myself than I was. More in shape.
When I was younger I used to wake up two hours early just to make sure I looked perfect.
Because of being so physically ill for so many year’s, I can honestly say I no longer cared about my appearance as much, I was resigned to living the rest of my life being single. Then suddenly I meet this guy out of the blue who’s extremely persistent, very kind & he was bringing thing’s out in me I hadn’t allowed myself to feel for year’s. Including making myself as sexy as I could for him. I normally didn’t care what men thought, they could take it or leave it. I wanted this new guy to see exactly how beautiful I was, how I saw myself under all the weight I’d gained to protect myself from love. I couldn’t believe he’d chosen me, I was so out of shape, I was frumpy. Lol. That’s the truth.
It was wonderful when we were together. But being apart was driving me nuts. And I’m NOT normally like that in relationships. I really try to make sure the other person has their space. He began giving me too much space. That upset me. I was feeling too clingy, that upset me. I couldn’t have him knowing that. So I continued to work out like a mad woman. Every time he saw me, I was smaller. When we took three months off, I came back to him an entirely different person than he’d met in February from August. Idk what he thought about that… But it was fun showing him I felt sexy, I did it all for him. He never knew.
I assumed a lot about him, I’m sure he did with me as well. That he was just a player, probably seeing other women too, playing the exact same game with them as he was with me. But then we’d get together & the energy was always there, it was undeniable. I just wanted more & he refused me. I started believing he was married. For all I know he was, he is now… How do we get passed that? I’m the type that believes in vows. They’re sacred.
I was trying to deny what I was feeling.
I believe he was too.
You can’t date someone the way he was dating me & have it work. I think the term is popcorn dating?
I began feeling like I was begging him for mere scraps. I started telling myself it was because of my age. Then that he deserved someone…
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