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Sometimes you are your worst enemy.
You may find that you aren’t moving in the direction of your dreams, sabotaging yourself with negative thoughts, fears, poor behavior, or a combination of these.
It’s unfortunate, but…
Even when you have the best intentions and try to do everything right, your subconscious can sneak in and undo your best laid plans.
So if you feel like you’ve been sabotaging yourself but aren’t sure exactly why, here are 3 simple steps to help you get control of your subconscious and stop the self-sabotage.
Step 1: Identify Why You Are Sabotaging Yourself
If you’re like most people, you sabotage yourself on a routine basis. You probably don’t even know you’re doing it. It’s just habits you’ve built over the years. They’re comfortable, familiar, and often so ingrained that they’ve become automatic.
But self-sabotage also represents internal struggle. You might feel guilt, shame, unworthiness…
When you sabotage yourself you are allowing your internal struggle to manifest outwardly.
Determine the areas of your life where you are sabotaging yourself – career, finances, relationships, and health.
Then spend some time identifying the reason why you keep sabotaging your progress. I find a journal is really helpful for this. Write down all of the criticisms, judgments and other negative voices. You might uncover a lot of limiting beliefs or just a few. Quantity doesn’t matter.
Once you’ve discovered why you are holding yourself back from success…
Step 2: Get to the Roots of Your Self-Sabotage
Don’t fret over what you’ve uncovered. Focusing too much attention on them can create even more fear, anxiety, guilt, and frustration.
Instead, try to identify the root cause of your limiting beliefs.
It could be an event in your childhood led to a belief that you’ll never be successful.
A string of failed relationships may have caused you to create the belief that you’re broken or you can’t make relationships work.
Watching your parent’s struggle with money while growing up might have caused you to form beliefs that money is stressful and goes out faster than it comes in.
What is the real, deep down reason that you’re sabotaging yourself?
Once you have identified the root cause…
Step 3: Use It to Your Advantage
It’s natural to want to get upset at whatever the root cause is…or to be frustrated that you’ve allowed it to sabotage you.
But instead, you’re better off loving that part of you. Love that you sabotaged yourself. Love that you did so much to hold yourself back.
Love acknowledges that part of you, and allows you to appreciate what it did to protect you.
But!
It also makes room for you to release the hold it has had on you so that you can turn it around and use it to propel you forward to success.
Let’s use the example above of a small child forming a belief that he can never be successful. That small child is still a part of the adult you. The child still has needs to meet. When you can meet the child’s needs while still pursuing your main goal, the child will begin to help you achieve your goal.
Think of different ways you can meets the needs of your child (or root cause).
How can you make that part of you feel safe, protected, loved, heard…while still moving forward on your dreams?
When you have the answer, you will know how to stop sabotaging yourself.
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