We’ve seen the trope time and time again in movies and TV shows. A couple’s relationship is on the rocks, so they start sleeping in separate beds. The lack of closeness they share at night reflects the slow demise of their partnership. But for real-life couples, is that reality, or is the truth much less severe than fiction?
A vast majority of couples want to sleep in the same bed. It gives them the chance to cuddle, spend a little time together at the end of a busy day, and wake up next to each other. It’s intimate, affectionate, and comforting. But unfortunately, research shows that we often prioritize the social closeness of bed-sharing over general sleep comfort.
However, the number of couples that will happily sleep separately is rising. Despite the stigma against it, these couples often claim to have perfectly healthy relationships. Some even say that sleeping apart has made their relationship better. Let’s also not forget that sleeping in two beds, placed next to each other and separated by a bedside table, was also reasonably common in decades past among married couples.
So, is it possible for couples to be healthy and happy despite sleeping in separate beds? As it turns out, the answer is yes! And after understanding why they do it, you may start to consider the benefits of following in their footsteps. Here are four reasons some couples are happier sleeping in separate beds.
1. Conflicting Schedules
One of the biggest reasons couples sleep in separate beds is practical. Conflicting schedules, whether from different work schedules or due to different natural sleep patterns, can mean conflicting bedtimes and wake times. This conflict can mean:
An early-rising partner’s alarm wakes up a late-rising partner who only just crawled into bed three hours ago. Very little time a couple spends in bed can be affectionate or intimate, as one partner is always asleep, making shared beds much less critical to a couple’s dynamic. The noise of an awake partner moving in the bedroom can wake up their tired, sleeping partner and cause sleep disruption. An awake partner may be unable to perform their regular waking routine that helps energize them because they’re worried about waking their sleeping partner. One partner may encourage another to “catch up” on sleep, disrupting the other partner’s sleep patterns.
These reasons are why couples often choose to sleep separately. However, studies show that having completely different circadian rhythms can lead to increased conflict in bed-sharing partners.
Schedule Conflicts Cause These Issues for Couples
It’s worth noting that conflicting schedules can significantly negatively impact a relationship. This isn’t necessarily because of a lack of shared bedtimes, however. It’s because these disparities mean that couples:
Have less time to be together Don’t get to communicate as often Tend to see each other only when one person is already tired from their day Are unable to schedule dates and quality time May not have enough energy for intimacy Drift apart due to lack of shared time
As such, couples must continue working on carving out time for each other healthily despite conflicting schedules. When possible and not unfair, it’s also often advised that couples find a way to adjust their plans to allow for more shared …
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