Some people are addicted to labeling life. However, life would be so much easier if we could just bring ourselves to stop putting labels on things and on people… The situation is made worse by the fact we often put the wrong label on things and then it all goes pear-shaped from that point on. A prime example of this is when we start talking about “habits that need to be broken” as soon as we make any habit an adversary to be beaten and subdued prior to being broken we are in the process of creating an internal conflict situation.
What we resist will persist and unfortunately we don’t get to pick and choose when this fundamental principle applies. Resistance feeds and re-enforces the very situation we have decided we need to change, so if we want to create change, we must come up with a creative solution rather than a divisive one that will ensure the struggle continues far longer than it needs to.
What we call a habit is a pattern that serves a purpose, or at least it did when it first became established. Even the most negative pattern fulfils a purpose and is there to serve us in some way, if it didn’t we wouldn’t continue to keep doing it and it would dissolve through lack of use. It has to be fed by your energy and intention for it to hold its place in your life. Stop feeding it and it will eventually wither and fade away to nothing.
A lot of patterns are established at an early age when we are completely open and receptive to life around us and the most basic are formed in order to make us feel safe and secure, loved, needed and wanted. All well and good for a child living a child’s life, but the same patterns used in adult life can become problematic and create serious issues in our relationships and everyday life.
Accepting a problem exists is the first step in finding a solution and we need to take the time to study the pattern in a non-confrontational way to try and figure out where it came from, when and why do we do it, and how it makes us feel. What created it, what triggers it and what is the reward we get from it. You may be able to achieve this through personal development but some may require professional help, either way if you have established patterns creating problems in your life you owe it to yourself to deal with them so you can move on.
I have found through personal experience the best way to remove an old outdated pattern is to replace it with a more rewarding and supportive pattern based on your present needs, values and current self-worth. I simply accept the old pattern exists and is coming to its expiry date and a newer more positive supportive pattern is required. As a mature adult my needs have changed and my thoughts, beliefs and actions must change accordingly to clearly reflect my new status.
It takes time but with consistent practice focussing on what we want rather than wasting time and energy on the things we no longer need or want, the new pattern is established to…