When you’re present with another, it’s all about giving someone your time, energy, and attention.
It’s all about tuning into their energy, their essence, their heart, and taking in the wholeness that they are.
In practical terms, it means truly paying attention to what they’re saying, doing, sharing or asking. And it’s also about recognizing when someone needs more of your presence, and then tuning into them wholeheartedly.
Now this doesn’t have to be draining and self-sacrificing, so don’t think you have to spend all of your waking hours listening and paying attention to other people.
You also shouldn’t become a doormat for people to dump their complaints, opinions and problems on.
What you should do is weigh the conversation and relationship and see if it’s worth your time, energy and attention in any particular moment or situation.
Ask yourself:
“Is this conversation worth it? Is this conversation meaningful to me? Do I care for this person? Does this person need me right now? Do I want to connect with this person? Do I want to upkeep this relationship? Do I want to show my love?”
So basically, you have to evaluate your conversations and relationships and determine whether or not you want to nurture them. If the answer is no, then you know it’s time to walk away.
But if you ARE deciding to maintain a relationship with someone, if you ARE committing to a conversation, if someone wants to share their heartfelt feelings with you, if someone needs you, or if you just simply want to be more connected to others, then you should definitely practice total presence. Here are 5 ways you can do that.
5 Practical Ways to be More Present With Other People
1. Drop your agenda and your expectations and just listen with an open-mind and heart.
If you want to totally be present with another, you have to first and foremost stop what you’re doing, forget about your expectations, desires, and standards, and just simply take in what the other person is saying.
If you don’t do this, then the whole time they are talking, you will be focusing on “not wanting to be there” and not having enough time to listen to them, being annoyed at what they’re saying, thinking of what they should be doing better, waiting for your turn to talk, disagreeing with their point of view, and all sorts of disconnecting thoughts.
The other person, in turn, will pick up on your restless energy, feel that you don’t want to be there or that you’re not truly listening to them, and they will feel immediately disconnected from you. This can lead to arguments, passive aggression, or relationships ending.
2. Make eye contact when talking to another person.
In order to be more present when talking to other people, it really helps to look them in the eye either as you talk to them or as they talk to you. First of all, this shows to the other person that you’re engaged and paying attention, which essentially shows that you care for them and respect them.
As my speech teacher in college used to say “the eyes are the window to the soul.” When you look someone in the eye, you can learn so much about how they feel, so no wonder it’s a connecting experience when you make eye contact with another.
Making eye contact while talking with another also ensures that you’re not off in your own world thinking about something else, that you’re not looking around getting distracted, and that you’re not doing things while people are talking to you. It’s a simple trick but very powerful.
3. Engage in the activity that the other person is doing WITH them.
This could also be called quality time yet it’s a bit more specific than that. It’s not just about hanging out with another doing something you both love, it’s about immersing yourself into the activity that the other person is immersed in.
This is most common with children, so for example, getting on the floor and playing legos with your child, playing dress up with your daughter, making a movie with your teenager, or helping your son with his homework.
However, this can also be applied to adult loved ones by spending your time doing things they love. If they love cooking, you can cook with them. If they love gardening, you can garden with them. If they love scrapbooking, you can scrapbook with them. If they need help brainstorming ideas for a new business, you can brainstorm with them.
Obviously you should do this within limits and not burn yourself out, because than you’re no good for anyone. The point is to go beyond what you like to do and into the world of someone else, and show them that they are worthy enough of your time, attention, and energy.
4. Just BE with the person without having to necessarily DO or SAY anything.
Your loving and peaceful presence can be felt without words, and sometimes it’s all that’s needed. For example, you can simply just sit next to your spouse and just BE in the…
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