Now that you know what to forgive yourself for, let’s go over the step-by-step guide for forgiving yourself.
8 Steps for Forgiving Yourself
1. Make a list of everything you cannot (or want/need to) forgive yourself for.
These are people/living things you have harmed, things you did that you’re ashamed of, guilty of, or regret doing, mistakes you’ve made, bad things you’ve done, etc.
I have hurt/harmed _______ by ____________________.
2. Choose one thing that you want to focus on.
I find it easier to go through the process of self-forgiveness if I focus on one thing at a time.
The thing I need to forgive myself for is:
3. Identify the limiting beliefs or negative emotions it created within you.
Did you develop a certain negative belief about yourself from hurting someone else? Often times when we do something wrong or hurt people in some way, we develop an idea in our head about who we are such as “I’m a bad person, I don’t deserve happiness, I’m not a good mom, etc.” or we harbor negative emotions such as self-blame, self-disgust, disappointment, guilt, and shame.
The limiting belief or negative emotion this wrongdoing has created within me is:
4. Identify why you did what you did
A really effective way to start to forgive yourself is to get to the core of why you did what you did.
Identify the causes and conditions by understanding where the behavior came from and what factors might have influenced you.
Maybe you made this mistake or committed this act because you were too young to know any better, you were careless, you weren’t paying attention, you weren’t present, your mind wasn’t in the right place, you were unconscious (spiritually), your priorities were off, you did it out of fear or selfishness, it’s what you were taught to do, you did it to get revenge, you did it because you were in pain yourself, you wanted to feel superior, or your life situation or environment caused you to do it.
Whatever the reason, it’s important to be super HONEST with yourself about what motivated you to do this.
What I did:
The true and real reason for why I did it:
Knowing the true reason for why you did what you did doesn’t excuse you from doing it, it simply creates understanding, and understanding creates compassion.
Notice that the limiting beliefs that you identified in step 3 came from your wrongdoings or mistakes that you made and aren’t necessarily true about yourself. When you see that you decided to believe certain things about who you are based on how you behaved, it’s so much easier to change the beliefs and forgive yourself.
For example. Let’s say that you had an abortion when you were young and the guilt has been eating away at you. Maybe you unconsciously developed a belief that you are a bad person or a bad mom.
Now, you can look at this situation from a more rational point of view and see that having an abortion doesn’t make you a bad person, it was a choice you had to make at the time and that choice was based on your current mindset, life situation, level of understanding, knowledge, and wisdom, and your level of consciousness. At the time, you simply didn’t know any better so how can you blame yourself and hold onto the guilt for the rest of your life?
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