Some traditions I can think of that might be limiting are doing something year after year because it’s something that you grew up with in your family, doing what everyone else does during a holiday instead of doing what you want to do, hosting all of the expected parties for having a baby, getting married, buying a house, graduation, birthdays… feeding into the messages that “being 30, 40, 50 is so old” and complaining about your age, and overall just living your life according to convention because it’s comfortable and safe, but not exactly fulfilling and authentic.
This doesn’t mean that when your lil’ ole grandma wants to see you for Easter even though you don’t celebrate Easter that you tell her “sorry grandma, not gonna happen.” It means that if it gives you a sense of purpose and meaning to please your grandma because you know it would mean a lot to her, then you do it. But at that point you do it willingly and consciously. You sacrifice yourself for the sake of the higher good, which in this case, is to make your grandma happy. Of course there are limits to this too, but you just have to find that balance that makes you feel content.
The point I am trying to make here is not to encourage you to abandon tradition, but rather to follow them consciously. Get clear on what you do and why you do it, and then consciously choose to follow the traditions that work for you, and give yourself permission to abandon the ones that don’t. You don’t like stressing about Christmas shopping? Then create a new tradition where you give each other non-physical gifts or only homemade gifts or artwork. Yes?
NORM 2: Living the expected life
What do I mean by “expected life?” I mean living the life that is expected of you by others or society whether the expectations are made up in your head, or actually exist in your life.
Every culture has different expectations but this pressure to do and be x, y, and z usually begins at an early age and is most often created by our parents and our immediate environment. We subconsciously absorb these messages and try to live out the rest of our lives fulfilling these expectations (most of the time without even being aware that we are doing it).
The expectation to go through the general steps of life such as getting good grades, going to college, getting a degree, having a professional, traditional and respectable career, making lots of money, getting married, buying a house, having kids, settling down, living nearby family, are some that we have to deal with.
While this lifestyle may work for some, for others it is limiting. Not everyone feels the urge to live life this way and in this particular order, but our society almost demands this from us.
When you constantly hear the question “so when are you guys having kids?” right after getting married, it becomes clear that society expects that you have kids after you get married.
You don’t have to do any of this if it doesn’t feel right for you. Don’t feel pressured to fulfill the expectations of your external environment if it doesn’t align with your own rhythm. You are not bound by these rules. You are a free spirit. You can live your life the way you choose to, the only thing you have to do is stop caring about what others will think of you when you do start living this way.
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