Trying to Get Your Ex Back? Should You?

Have you recently come across a love story where the girl or the guy manifested for their ex and had them back in life? Yes, it happens with several couples. We know it is hard for you to go through heartbreak. Some might tell you to let go of the past relationship, while some must be coming up with blind date ideas. But your intuition says that it was the best relationship ever, and you want it back. There was some kind of silly misunderstanding that led to the breakup, and you want to get all the things together and restart your relationship.

Let us go through the facts and possibilities of trying to get your ex back and learn how to do it successfully.

When is it not advisable to get back together?

You must be probed with this question – whether it is good or bad to get back together with your ex? Well, there is no good, and back here, it all depends on your instincts and gut feeling. But still, we would like to list out the possibilities when it is surely a bad idea to get back together.

  1. Your ex abused you physically, mentally, and emotionally.
  2. There is something about the other person’s personality that tampers with your relationship. It is not that they are the only one with faults, but you do not wish to take it further.
  3. If you or your partner are not apologizing for others’ mistakes or accepting their faults or misleading behavior. Moreover, you or your ex are not willing to work on the weaknesses of your relationship.
  4. You experienced that your relationship was toxic. It hurt you in several ways.
  5. Your ex is happier and more cheerful than they were with you.
  6. There is no emotional understanding between you and your partner.
  7. Your ex does not treat you with kindness and compassion.

Please note that each relationship is different. If your friend broke up with their ex and found another one, it doesn’t mean the same thing will happen with you. Maybe, it was good for them to walk away from their ex. If you think that a few items in the above list are relatable to you, you can quit thinking about an ex.

But if there is nothing negative about your ex and your gut feeling encourages you to get back together, then we have something covered for you.

When is it advisable to get back together with your ex?

Following are the possibilities to affirm the recognition of your past relationship.

  1. There is immense emotional understanding and bonding between you two.
  2. You cannot visualize yourself with another person.
  3. You miss your relationship as it was positive, warm, and loving.
  4. You want to work on your weaknesses and patch up the relationship and not let it go.
  5. You and your partner have feelings for each other. You can notice the same spark in them.
  6. They never abused or hurt you; always inspired and enriched each other’s lives.
  7. You do not doubt your partner or your relationship.
  8. You still trust them.

If you have selected any of the above possibilities, you have a valid and strong reason to start over your relationship. For instance, your partner is not good at expressing his feelings, and you want to know more about their emotions. If this has caused a rift in your relationship, you can work on the same together. The point is you both need to be on the same page.

What do the statistics say about getting back together with your ex?

It sounds surprising, but there have been surveys about relationships of worldwide couples. Theinsider.com surveyed almost 3500 people to check whether they broke up and tried to get back together. You will be confused to know that 15 percent did while 14 percent rekindled their relationship just to break up once more. However, 70 percent of the couples didn’t contact each other.

Please note that this survey is not the end of the world as only 3500 couples were taken into consideration. Moreover, it is difficult to come to a conclusion with this short survey. Hence, we suggest not taking this study seriously, believing in your instincts more. Don’t let any silly survey or a blog post determine the fate of a relationship. If you truly believe in your and your partner’s feelings, you can rekindle them and let them last for eternity.

It has been a long time; can you still get your ex back together?

Yes, time doesn’t restrict you from getting back together with your ex. You can restart your relationship after several months or even years. You can take advantage of the gap and work on yourself instead. It is the best time to do soul-searching, take care of yourself, learn new skills, and discover important elements in a relationship. This process happens on both sides. You both become mature, and know what you want in a relationship and you each of you is putting into the effort.

Your emotion for longing for your ex becomes stronger and more intense. You reopen and heal the old wounds. There is no more crying and emotional drama over the breakup, but you seek the wisdom to apply in your new relationship. If the breakup happened because of the distance or drift in thoughts, lack of time each person could put in, and any lifestyle challenge, you could rethink your ex. Understand your ex better and drop a breezy message on social media or phone. You need to try and find out what the other person wants now and where he stands in the current relationship.

What is the right time to get them back?

Is there a perfect timing? Yes, it is. If you send them a message immediately after the breakup, it isn’t the right time for a revival. Your emotions are wild, and you do not know where you stand. You do not want to be harsh with them or get too emotional and clingy. Hence, it is essential to maintain a no-contact period for 30 consecutive days. There should not be any communication on either side – Nil, nada, zilch. It is hard; we know that very well. But this will make your ex miss you and make an effort to revamp your relationship.

People change, but do exes change?

Yes, exes change just like people do. But it doesn’t depend on you; it depends on them. You cannot alter their choices and decisions. What kind of change are you expecting from them? If you want them to quit bad habits, they have not been successful in the same, it will not be the right thing for you. Moreover, do you want them to change completely, or do you want them to work on a single aspect? This is because if you expect high, you cannot witness the same level of results.

So, evaluate your requirements and what kind of change you want in your ex. Remember, it must be feasible for the other person. Write down your thoughts or chat with them about the same. Do not pressurize them to change; just let the conversation be natural. Sometimes, they might agree with you, but you need to trust your intuition and determine whether they will really do it or not.

Steps to bring back your ex and let them want you more

Following are the practical tips on how you can make your ex want you more.

1. Stabilize your emotions

When you break up with someone, the emotions are on a high. You both need to take time off and give each other sufficient space to process the emotions. It is termed the incubation period during which you are not supposed to contact each other. You do not need to influence each other’s thoughts and feelings; you need to process your feelings all by yourself.

Do not be active on social media and reply to their status or post any memory. Do not call or message them through any platform. Do not visit their office or home or try to cross their paths.

Avoid each other and spend time constructively on your hobbies or career and spend time with your loved ones. You do not need to forget them, but you need to rediscover yourself in the meantime.

2. Love yourself (it is a cliché but so true)

It is a myth that you should live for others. Live for yourself first. You should not be munching on junk food or binge-watching Netflix. Do something to make yourself better, and binging is not the right thing to do. Be constructive and mindful when you choose your new habits. Pursue a new or an old hobby, travel, pamper yourself in a salon, exercise, eat healthy food, and spend time with your loved ones (family and friends). As you emit self-love and positivity, you can feel the same emotions coming back to you.

3. Do not say or do something impulsive

It is okay; we understand that your mind is full of anger, frustration, irritation, and pain, and you don’t have to bottle it up. But this doesn’t mean you need to take revenge or do something regretful. If you act irrational, it will backfire on you and will yield to nothing.

For instance, spreading false rumors about your ex, sleeping with someone else, posting emotional posts on social media, abusing your ex verbally or physically, and making attempts to destroy their life.

Vent your frustration and anger in a healthy way. You can journal, share with a family member or a therapist and meditate. The pain will not remain with you; ensure that it goes in a healthy manner.

4. Always protect your identity

It happens that people forget who they are and get lost in the flow of life. You do not need to change yourself to get them back. You do not need to lose yourself in the process of having them in your life. Your ex should accept you the way you are, despite the flaws. Hence, try to be the same person; you can improve and work on your weaknesses but do not change drastically to get them.

5. Work on the matters that affected your relationship negatively

It is important to reflect on your overall relationship. What went wrong? Were you wrong in the relationship? How can you work on it and overcome the future possibility? Maybe you were not a good listener or were co-dependent on your ex.

But if you find that your ex is demanding something that you cannot give or expect you to be a different person, don’t do that. Don’t ever let go of the person you want to be.

We hope we have answered your tricky question of whether you should try to get your ex back or not. Do not get influenced by others’ opinions. It is your choice whether to get your ex back, and no survey or research in the world can decide it. Seek the best resources and make a wise decision all by yourself.

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